Call me…

This piece has been in my drafts for a year now and decided to publish it, clearly at the time I was not playing well with others and wrote this.

Call me crazy, I will shake your hand and thank you…

Call me weird, I will invite you to a night of Clock Work Orange…

Call me dark or demented, I will let you visit my mind so you can see the demons play…

Call me a psychopath, I will greet you in Harley Quinn style “nice to meet ya”…

Call me twisted, I will invite you to ride the merry go round with me…

Call me whatever you want but I have been known to not react to being called Ice Queen, Heart of Stone, Fake, Heart Breaker, Liar, Unloyal, Heartless, Mentally Unstable, Trashy and a Tart. Oh, and I will introduce you to the people who made me this way.

The tears will dry and my heart will heal and for now I reserve the right to be one of the above at some point in my life when dealing with others. If you don’t like it or you feel I’m treating you in this manner, then you are obviously one of them and you’d better walk away.

Dealing with the devil and being played by the gamers can only show me how to play back and how to handle you. I have seen it all, heard all the lies and I decide when not to play.

There are the awesome others who have been through the same, hopefully not as many as me, lol. Your awesomeness will make you who you are and no one can take that from you.

Just be you, as I am being me…


The Chloé Talk 101

I had an epiphany the other night, so crazy so lost in translation thinking about Chloé and Pigeons.

So as awesome, lovable and good natured Miss Chloé is, obedience is her fail point and trying to discipline her is like working on a project day in and out, blood sweat and tears only to find out at deadline moment the client decided on a different direction. All that time and energy and in the end completely futile… honesty was the best way to describe it.

Chloé is spoilt and, yes as mentioned through my blogs, has taken the role of my child, my only child as I don’t have kids of my own. I’m the parent of a four-legged fluff ball, who gets away with murder and rules the house… Miss Chloé…

So back to this particular night which was last week, sick with flu which has been doing its rounds at the office and at dying point. I don’t usually visit the doc unless its DEFCON 1, I also don’t take tablets for every little thing. This day was DEFCON 1 and meds were demanded.

I now know why I had to take the meds before bedtime , half an hour to be exact and feeling so sorry for myself I was not waiting another second and took the tablet around 5.

It then dawned upon me that Chloé is not disobedient or naughty, I really think she doesn’t understand human talk. The pigeons on our roof keep her well entertained and the only time she sits up right and silent on best behavior wining and moaning in reply back to the pigeons… call me crazy but to get Chloé to sit, then sit still, for half an hour is not even worth the effort. 5am the pigeons arrive and it’s a whole day affair of communicating. Even the Kiewiet in the park protecting its eggs when it senses danger near them, is the moment Chloé gets her lazy bum up, with such determination and vigour she rearranges the house on exit to investigate, almost repositioning the sliding door with security gate onto the boundary precast wall. It’s insane and not very humorous when a trip to the bathroom or drink of water ends up with bumps and bruises and a mouthful of profanities which only a bumped baby toe can produce.

It’s an occurrence we experience every night, that we now tuned in with Kiwiet bird so already in preparation to calm the madness down. Unfortunately, the pigeons are the worst and still cannot predict or get use to this 15kg border collie lunging from her bed in one quick swift jump up onto our beds, at full force and worst of all not just landing on the bed but always and without fail landing solidly on our legs or the painful nether regions. She doesn’t move until her chat with pigeons are done and only then jumps back into her bed and falls back into her doggy dream sleep like nothing’s happened. This can go on 3 to 4 times a night. My only sanity is believing this abrupt disturbance at random times is her being guard dog and bravely protecting us against the danger and carnage occurring on our thatch roof. The pigeon nightly shuffle. However, I have noticed that planes on the Red Eye route encourage the same chaotic reaction.

The dogs can bark, gates and or doors slam and she won’t move an inch. Let that Kiewiet bird run around screeching in alertness and Chloé takes notice.

Don’t even get me started when it’s thunder storms and lightning, there is absolutely no sleep. Chloé goes mental and have to ensure she doesn’t dash outside because she runs around the pool barking at the sky. Some music or TV and a whole lot of comforting Chloé is all we can do to keep her calm.

I know that you thinking are you mad in allowing it but like I said she is my child and admittedly takes huge advantage as it’s the only time Chloé lets you hold her… is that so demented? Lol

Back to the pigeons and Kiewiet birds and by now we realise these meds are definitely to blame for these insane thoughts with me trying to convince myself speaking pigeon just might get her attention to listen to me… and just maybe finally teach her obedience. lol

I’m just saying…


Somethings I have learnt and still learning…

Things I have learnt up to now.

What happens today may not happen tomorrow or the same daily routine you have followed for weeks. Months or even years without any warning will change and leaves you in chaos.

In freight, we refer to rates as volatile because unlike years ago, rates were valid for a year and nothing could change it. Today it’s chaos it changes daily and can only be valid month to month.

That’s life, isn’t it? I mean if you sit and think back to a few years back, maybe 5 or maybe 10 and you will notice how things have changed. Not the obvious changes like price hikes and vat increase, no I’m talking about people. Friends, family, husbands and wives even kids, even work colleagues or acquaintances things have definitely changed. It’s as if human beings aren’t acting human anymore. Emotions seem to be null and void and WhatsApping rather than face to face has taken over.

It’s not strangers or acquaintances or even work colleagues, this is spouses or partners. Family and friends who have forgotten what a conversation is all about and rely on social media. It’s completely left us disconnected that sending your husband a lengthy very well presented WhatsApp message of matters of the heart rather than sitting face to face.

Has it really become that? We’ve lost the ability to talk, just talk.

Even friends come and go and I think back now of the childhood friends I had, blood sisters and all of that. Declaring to remain friends for life no matter what….

Yes, I look back because those friends are all gone. Living their own lives, their own friends and in a day everything has changed.

Meeting new people can be extremely volatile and chaotic. Having to trust someone new in the hope they are genuine and could never happen to you that they just con’s or users. I have learnt the hard way, from the actual con to the butter doesn’t melt in their mouth person. I saw the con coming and prepared myself but the other a complete surprise.

So, we don’t put ourselves out there or we take the chance in the hope that it could be real. We become hermits locked in our worlds to keep the others out and in the end the loneliness consumes us until we are forced to put ourselves back out there bitter and broken and end up meeting the exact people we’ve being trying to avoid.

I have had the best friendships and relationships with people I just met and I’ve been badly hurt by the ones I knew my whole life… You just never know and never see it coming.

You can’t shut out the world you can only adapt and be weary and in this case, appreciate the social media frenzy in using the tools to get to know someone before attempting to meet them. Then again those haven’t worked out to well either in cases you hear daily.

WE have to just realize that people and the world and the life we lived 10 years ago, is different. We’ve become tougher and harder and becoming more and more of “each for themselves society”. I don’t say join the forces but try to be street smart and vigilant.

Keep the face to face conversations for family and friends and especially spouses and partners because face to face anything is possible and that interaction can only be good for you.

And the rest… Social media and keep the communication clear and trust that intuition. Honestly has it ever been wrong and how many more times do you want to get burned.

WE live we regret or loose and we learn… Most of the time. We are only human after all… remember to breath and then down that glass of Merlot.

I love you…