Crazy for love…

There is always that one, that they say, that we meet.   The person our heart and soul connects with from the word go.  The one who mends the broken bits of our eternal shattered hearts, some lucky not to live through it others not so lucky.  The one who we change bad habits for because they are the one worth changing for.  The point is there is that someone, its true.  All the stories you read about, all the movies you watch or all the songs no matter how old or new, has that story to tell of finding that one.

It’s not all roses and sunshine of course.  Don’t be fooled as they also show up as wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing and yes maybe we not nearly as intuitive as we should be, but everyone hears that warning bell and we all just need to trust in ourselves when we feel it.  A No! No! No!  that your body screams and scratches it’s way to warn you can be anything and from my experience, the feeling of being punched so hard in my stomach you literally have to catch your breath. The siren ringing in your ears and even and yes could have been disillusion the red flashing lights, and not red for love and glittering lights, no this was flashing red lights of turn around and leave immediately.  Do we listen?  Oh please that just wouldn’t be exciting enough… nope we have to sit through and endure the pain, ridicule, sadness, and behavior that leaves us wondering every night while lying in bed what  the hell were you thinking.  We need to learn to trust ourselves and quiet simply, if you cannot trust yourself how can you expect to trust another or put your trust in someone who is sharing a life with you.

My mom always referred to me as the Run-Away-Bride, you know the movie where Julia Roberts is engaged how many times but never quiet makes the actual “I Do’s” and flees down the isle leaving the poor groom in pieces.  She does it because she doesn’t know who she is, if they like scrambled egg she likes scrambled egg, they go through the whole egg scenario and each time she chooses and likes what he likes.  Now I’m not the one running out the church on my wedding day, what my mom means is how I conform to the man in my life ways, wants and needs and always putting mine aside to keep him happy, my favorite egg dish is Eggs Benedict and not even Johnny Depp himself who I have had a crush on for my whole life won’t change that.  So in the end Miss Roberts meets Mr Richard Gere and yes does flee from marrying him only to realize the error in her ways and enters a journey of finding herself.  Her likes her wants and her needs and in the end they get married and well hopefully live happily ever after.  It’s just a romcom so one never knows what happens after the music starts playing and credits are rolling, but we are left with our imaginations to figure out the rest.

I am strong in every aspect of my life and know exactly what I want and where I want to be, but in the game of love I suck!  It’s not even about attracting the same kind of person, OK  maybe because I do believe if you broken you meet a broken person and then you feed off each others broken and well obviously its a recipe for disaster.  Nope it’s, honestly just hard meeting someone who has the same ideas, listens to the same music and can ramble off a movie quote that you die laughing at how you have so much in common.

I always see the goodness in someone and overlook the bad.  I have been single for about  two years and yes have had the one or two that I have looked at as a prospect but fails dismally after a month or two.  Now if only I had just listened to the warning signs … lol.  The positive side to this is I have met many people and learnt a lot and have seen what my likes and dislikes are in a person.  If I am going to spend the rest of my life with him then this is not a tall order in knowing what is right and wrong for me.

I am quiet easy going, always laughing and really just live simply.  Yes I am crazy but its quirky and yes I can throw a tantrum but never disagreed that I am not a brat.  In the end I’m not asking for a house in the Swiss Alps or a Ferrari, to be wined and dined every day, diamonds and gold that I need body guards to protect me, holidays in France … I think you get my point.  OK maybe my handbags are my downfall and that my taste ranges from LV’s to Nine West but I buy them, it’s my spoil and its my treat to myself. Let’s not get started on perfumes because unless its Jean Paul Gaultier.

Mani, pedi and my hair done as often as I like, I do take care of my appearance but that’s because I have pride in myself and yes because my mother had a huge influence in that.  You can be ugly, beautiful, fat or thin if you don’t look after yourself and look the part then what is the point.  You would fail at making a good impression and wouldn’t feel confident about yourself.

So I actually quiet confidently know who I am and what I want, so that isn’t the problem.  I think that instead of listening to my intuition I go through the motions and give it  a chance, only to bump my head after.  Surely my positive outlook on life can influence even the darkest soul, so why not give it a chance.  As expected it doesn’t work, I leave shaking my head at how I saw this coming and promise myself never again.  It doesn’t end there though because he comes back, I have become such a force of who I am in his life that when I leave he feels it and we spend days backwards and forwards, fighting and crying at what we should have done and what we can change. The sad truth is things don’t change, it never does and we end up getting hurt more by trying to change and be with each other that we loose sight of who we actually are.

Even through my trials and tribulations and the consistency of my heart giving its all to love, there is that one person who just sees me for me, who is not trying to change who I am or who brings out more of who I am and who I never thought I would be.  He is there, I met him and spent time with him and chatted for hours on end getting to know each other…  But, and yes there is a but and no you shouldn’t start a sentence with “but”, but it is needed to make this point…. But, you can’t make someone love you or want to be with you or give you their commitment of happily ever after, just because you think its right.  It’s all about free will and have to let people be in your life to the capacity they can be as long as it’s for your good and makes you both happy and doesn’t harm or take away from either of you.  But, you can take how they make you feel and the impact they have on you as a person and use that to know what and who is right for you in your life.

We are all different and no two are alike, but there are some elements  that are the same in each other and that is why the whole Soul Connection or Kindred Spirit is spoken about.  It is there and we are all one step closer to having that.

If it doesn’t work, it’s not the end. It’s a journey not a death sentence and it’s there to enjoy.  Nothing feels like love does, that warm fuzzy feeling, stupid giggles and nervous behavior. Don’t judge it, don’t change it and don’t let it destroy you because then it isn’t love.

So love, love , love  with all you have and all you are and just enjoy it.  It is the strongest emotion that can bring your soul such happiness, why would we not want to feel it. Silly humans 🙂

I’m just saying…


Leave a Reply