A description of Grace your Soul needs today!

We’ve all been there… that darkness, dancing with the unwelcome demons… a place in our minds, heart and soul that feels so paralysing.  State of constant fear that grips at your soul and there is no way out…

4 years ago, when I truly believed the only way out is the harsh reality of not wanting to live another day.  Where the motivation to put one step in front of another was unthinkable and that feeling of wanting to just get lost in the bleakness forever…

Sound familiar?

Well they say you hit rock bottom when you hear that call and well I can honestly say unless you have lived through it and felt it … well all I can is “they” were right.

My experience was middle of 2017, my thought patterns where escalated to demons, death and total loss of my existence.  The constant fear that I lived with took over my life and everything I felt and saw, my thoughts, my actions, my dreams were all being tormented and controlled by this fear… so much so that my mind literally created a image of  a demon that use to sit and watch me … that’s still something very real to have experienced and witness.  I woke up with lashes ripped through my skin like I was being attacked while I slept and then I without warning just cried out for God who last I connected with was in my teens and asked him to save me. 

The reply… “You have two choices, either you carry on this path and die where I cannot save you , or, you give yourself to me and I will save you”. 

Normally I would have thought I had lost my mind but without a moments hesitation I called my mom and asked her to find me a minister. 

I have this post which my friend, minister and honestly the man who helped me through this process , who literally saved my life Dave Morgan… and just think its so apt for what we feeling and living through right now.

If anything we are tested of our faith and belief… the world is changing and throwing challenges at us daily.. the biggest this pandemic which has taken us hostage from the lives we once knew to the push and shove for us to change.  Start believing in something, God!

A description of grace your soul needs today

Dr. Jim Denison | March 6, 2018

We live in a culture that separates everyone into two categories: winners and losers.
There were twenty-four winners in Sunday night’s Academy Awards. Conversely, there were ninety-eight losers.
But at least they received nominations. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, there are 249,607 actors and other professionals in the motion picture and video production industry; almost all were excluded from the Oscars.
And yet, each of them is a winner in a way. They have a job in the film industry, unlike the multitudes who would like to work in the movies but don’t.
Meanwhile, odds are being calculated for college basketball’s “March Madness” tournament. As baseball’s spring training continues, analysts are debating who is likely to win this year’s World Series.
The underlying message is clear: if you win, you’re a winner; if you lose, you’re a loser.
“The smell of rain is grace”
Frederick Buechner is one of the most perceptive theologians I know. Consider his description of “grace,” a brief essay so insightful that it defies editing:
“After centuries of handling and mishandling, most religious words have become so shopworn nobody’s much interested anymore. Not so with grace, for some reason. Mysteriously, even derivatives like gracious and graceful still have some of the bloom left.
“Grace is something you can never get but only be given. There’s no way to earn it or deserve it or bring it about any more than you can deserve the taste of raspberries and cream or earn good looks or bring about your own birth.
“A good sleep is grace and so are good dreams. Most tears are grace. The smell of rain is grace. Somebody loving you is grace. Loving somebody is grace. Have you ever tried to love somebody?
“A crucial eccentricity of the Christian faith is the assertion that people are saved by grace. There’s nothing you have to do. There’s nothing you have to do. There’s nothing you have to do.
“The grace of God means something like: ‘Here is your life. You might never have been, but you are because the party wouldn’t have been complete without you. Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid. I am with you. Nothing can ever separate us. It’s for you I created the universe. I love you.’
“There’s only one catch. Like any other gift, the gift of grace can be yours only if you’ll reach out and take it.
“Maybe being able to reach out and take it is a gift too” (his italics).
Resolving the dilemma of our day
Our culture is caught on the horns of a dilemma.
On one side, we applaud self-reliance. We love stories of self-made heroes and icons, from business titans like Steve Jobs, who began in their garage, to athletes like Nick Foles, who go from underdog to Super Bowl MVP. We resist the notion that we need anything from anyone, including God.
On the other side, we have embraced the fiction that since God is love, everyone goes to heaven. The mantra of our day is that all roads lead up the same mountain, so it doesn’t matter what you believe so long as you are sincere and tolerant.
Some critics of biblical Christianity complain that it makes a relationship with God too easy: “By grace you have been saved through faith” (Ephesians 2:8) seems like an evasion of personal responsibility. Other critics complain that Jesus makes a relationship with God too hard: “No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6) seems intolerant.
Believers can suffer from this dilemma as well. We can punish ourselves for sins God has forgiven, or we can ignore the need for confession and accountability.
Buechner addresses our confusion with one simple assertion: grace is a gift that, like all gifts, must be opened.
“Glad and generous hearts”
Imagine a church whose members lived in awestruck gratitude for the gracious love of God. Their joy in Jesus is so passionate that they must share it with others. It is so infectious that others want them to share it.
At the same time, these Christ-followers seek holiness in every dimension of their lives. They serve and live with godliness, not so they can receive grace but because they already have.
Could such a church actually exist?
“And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved” (Acts 2:42-47).

Could such a grace-receiving, grace-giving church exist today? That’s up to us, isn’t it?


Social Media the new dating site or hook up place?

Lately on Social Media I get more and more requests to chat with all sorts of guys from all over the world.  It was becoming so bad at one stage I was permanently clearing out my inbox without  even seeing who it was or what they were saying.

It’s not even looking at it from a boastful place of how pretty my profile pic is, so lets chat, date and hopefully find my future husband to be.  I mean does that even happen?  Yes, it does, and if I didn’t know someone personally who it happened to I would say no.  He liked her profile pic and he said hi and today they happily married and I couldn’t be happier for them.  I was so shocked back then when I heard how they met and how it became a dating place, not just a place to keep in contact with family and friends around the world.

Oh how naïve I was then and have been. Apparently I been living under a rock because hooking up with someone on social media is very real and happens more often then you realize.  Now I am not referring to dating sites, this is completely about Social Media sites.

I have met a few guys, we all very good friends and only one I actually had a friends with benefits relationship with.  I was single and he was single so why not.  I guess it also depends on the groups you join and the pages you like. There are so many singles groups on Social Media sites no wonder everyone is meeting up this way, we all busy and have no time to actually go out after work and do the whole ‘looking at you looking at me’ attraction from across a busy room or a bar.  No now its in-boxing, and all based on comments made by yourself in a group or page you belong to or just your profile pic.

It’s all fun and you have to be vigilant about who you chatting to or meeting up with.  I have heard of some terrible stories, stalkers especially.  I would say if you chatting to someone and their page is filled with useless information or very limited posts about them, then I would be careful.

One thing I did notice, there are many lonely, desperate and horny men out there.  After two sentences of ‘hello, how are you’? You’re immediately sent the infamous dick pic which I hate to reiterate gentlemen, we ladies do not enjoy, well most of them anyway.  We enjoy conversation with mental and emotional stimulation, where as the man likes physical stimulation, yes we know this about each other.  So then you have to ask what the other party wants out of it because sending pics like this works for some and not the other and most of the time both have very different ideas of what the one wants out of the other.

So why the dick or vajay-jay pics…  well, again I have been delusional because it seems very common and very normal.  The interaction is completely through technology and it seems to work.  I however am still a little conservative, sure I am open to conversation and flirting but when it comes to splashing out pics of my vajay-jay I would prefer a meet up over coffee or drinks, old school style. See where it goes and if we happy then possibly.  I mean who knows what these individuals are doing with these pics in the first place.  At least get to know who you sending the pics to and receiving from, because I’m not saying its wrong I’m just saying be careful.

I can have lengthy conversations with whoever and if we connect then obviously the better the conversation  It’s great!  Yes I have fallen into the trap where the conversation is so great I do wonder down the road of, this could be the one.  Reality is a hard bite to bare and if you aware of it like I am now then that’s all it is, good conversation, no expectations and if you like who you talking to then the next stage begins which is always about hooking up for a shag.  It’s the reality of it all.

But there is that one possibility that does come along and it is over Social Media, and it involves a boy who is genuinely interested in that girl and its not just about hooking up.  They genuinely interested in getting to know you and the likes on your posts increase and the in-boxing starts and its real conversation.  Then the request to WhatsApp and then the call and then the first meet and its all just genuinely interest and conversation.  This person knows all about you, they have an vested interest in what you post and genuinely know who you are.  It kind of takes the worry about secrets out of the equation because you both know so much about each other.  So I have to say I agree that in today’s time of literally running out of time, there is a possibility to find love on the Internet. But it does come with a warning – there are those few that use Social Media as a gateway to lies and an interpretation of their life built on creativity to make them sound and look more appealing.

Always be vigilant and always be aware.  I can personally say that I have been misled and lied to, that the profile was not what it looked like.  How long can you keep conversation going without getting a little suspicious if they are unable to meet, forget long distance we all know that doesn’t work.   If they are constantly cancelling or coming up with excuses run for the hills, listen to your gut and trust your instinct.

You will always know…




What we take for granted.

What we take for granted.

The realisation while watching a silly advert on T.V., of a pregnant lady taking a bite of a cracker and she feels her baby move.

That feeling is something I will never experience.

My heart strings pull as I watch this scene and of course its not the first time I’ve been through it. Through the years I think I played the situation down, using the excuse I didn’t want children or I’m glad I never had. What else do you say ?

Funny how life is and just how much of a sense of humour you need to survive it. Even the most natural normal human expectation of life… and I never got the chance. I will never feel that expectation of expecting, what mother’s to be suffer through and complain about will be something I only wish for. The unforgettable labour pains, sleepless nights, baby weight, no more freedom and the cost of having a child, I will never experience that… in the end I hear the same comment… its all worth it!

I will never know will I…

Still in hope of a dream…

I’m just saying